A Monster That Keeps The House Clean

Description

A Monster That Keeps the House Clean

Scrubble (Scrubbing) Bubbles

Scrubble Bubbles were created by a wizard who wanted to keep his dungeon clean, but didn't want to work at it. Scrubble Bubbles are composed of groups of cell colonies that scurry around getting rid of dirt and grime. They have the ability to analyze material structure from a distance of up to 60 feet to determine if something is dirty. They attack filth on sight, so weary adventurers better watch out.

Scrubble Bubbles are immune to acid, cold, and poison. Lightening bolts and blows from weapons divide them into smaller groups of bubbles, each able to attack exactly as the original. Fire causes double damage, as do magic missiles. They can be dissuaded with large volumes of water.

Scrubble Bubbles can roam through cracks that are at least one inch wide and can travel on ceilings and walls at the same speed as on a level surface.

Combat

Scrubble Bubbles are more an annoyance than anything else, but they can be painful. Upon encountering a creature like an adventurer, Scrubble Bubbles will seep in though armor and CLEAN! The sensation is not unlike being attacked with a million stiff toothbrushes that inflicts the 1d4 points of abrasive damage.

Scrubble Bubbles may also secrete a mild acid to get rid of tough stains. If they use it on a living being, the creature will suffer 2d4 points of damage.

Habit/Society

They are usually found in closed passageways and rooms, and roam about dungeons cleaning walls, floors, and furniture.

Ecology

They reproduce by fission. They adapted to live in a wide variety of climates. Scrubble Bubbles starting with 11-30% of maximum possible hit points are 3 feet to 4 feet in diameter; with 31-50% of full hit points are 5 feet wide; with 51-70% of full hit points, 6 feet wide; with 71-90% of full hit points, 7 feet wide; with 91-100% of full hit points, 8 feet wide. If Scrubble Bubbles are split up so it becomes less than 3 feet wide, it becomes thinner but retains its 3-foot diameter.

The only things Scrubble Bubbles consume are water and soap.

Also in this section of the source

Magic-Items

Breeches of the Wu Pi - These breeches appear as ordinary, drab, everyday breeches. They are usually brown. However, they radiate a faint magic dweomer. If an adventurer puts these on, nothing immediately happens. If the wearer sits down, however, the breeches erupt with a loud raspberry sound that continues for a full round. Any person within a 10' radius of the sitting wearer (including the wearer) will be struck with the urge to snigger, then laugh, then guffaw exactly as if the spell Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter had been cast. The breeches may be not be removed except with a Remove Curse spell. Lacing may be done and undone normally to allow for bodily functions.

Gel of Polishing - This gel comes in two forms: magical and non-magical. The magical gel cures all damaged teeth, and prevents tooth loss for one month, for each use. Deliberate extraction is not prevented by the gel. Each vial contains 2d4 applications. Only one application need be used each month.

The non-magical version improves the character's chances of keeping his/her teeth by 5% per check. One application must be used every other day for the beneficial effects to take place. The cost per vial is 30 gold pieces for 10 applications.

Jawbreaker - This cursed item tends to resemble any sweet item, like cookies, pastries, but the most common form is some type of candy. When chewed on, the Jawbreaker causes 1d6+1 teeth to be cracked, causing double the amount of pain (double all penalties) until they are extracted or fall out. The damaged teeth cannot be healed, but may be regrown. Once the teeth are cracked, the Jawbreaker loses all magic, and tastes like rancid meat.

Parchment of Mail-order Catalog - This is a rolled up piece of parchment with obscure writing and (mayhem) pictures. Intended to be used like toilet paper, this paper is covered with undecipherable writings, and has the consistency of modern sandpaper (or what passes for toilet paper at certain colleges). The person who uses it in the normal way (and on himself) suffers 1 hp of damage and until it is healed, must save vs. spells every time he sits down and every round while sitting, or s/he will stand up. Using it on a non-willing subject who is not tied down or an infant requires a to-hit roll at -10 (or worse if the target is wearing armor), and anyone seeing you try this will think you're a pervert.

Pearly Whites - Under casual inspection, these appear to be nothing more than normal pearls, but perfectly spherical. If kept in contact with exposed flesh for more than two rounds, or if they come in contact with any kind of food or drink (excluding water), the pearls will change into the crowns of teeth. If chewed on, the Pearly Whites will replace one tooth per pearl. New teeth can be lost through normal means. There will be 1d8+1 Pearly Whites found at any one time.

Scabbard of Godliness (sounds better than cleanliness) - A paladin was fanatical about cleanliness (it's next to godliness you know) and hated the mess that was made and the hassle he had to go through when cleaning his blade after a particularly nasty battle. So he commissioned a mage to create this.

This is a scabbard which was constructed for a long sword. It is more or less unremarkable, as most scabbards are, but will radiate faint magic if detected. The scabbards power is this - any sword which is sheathed within it comes out absolutely clean, shiny and spotless. The scabbard magically removes blood, dirt, rust and any other muck.

No doubt some players will think this would be great way to clean up hundreds of years old weapons, which are rusted, pitted, etc.. But remember, that the scabbard REMOVES the muck, so the rust is removed, which may, in may cases, take away the only thing that was holding the blade together.

Toilet of the Gods - A commode for the rich and famous. The most stupendous commode you will ever encounter. Belongs only to the rich and powerful, very immobile. First off, it has working plumbing. Also, a full wet bar, a magazine rack with every periodical from the plane it rests in, heavenly music filling the air, air freshener, and an infinite amount of silken toilet paper. All solid waste matter turns to gold when it hits the water, but retains texture and smell. Urine changes color and smell to that of expensive wine.

Even a Mage Does Laundry

Here is the laundry list of cantrips, of the most mysterious and powerful secret magical college known as the Most Righteous Ceremony of the Grand Lodge of Thirteen Stars and Kal-Gon's Scrubbing Bubbles Too III, known (by those who dare) as the August College of Laundry Magics.

These cantrips are somewhat dangerous if used as an offensive weapon so GMs should be careful in giving them out. Remember there from a powerful college of magic.

There are two places that must be known before looking over the cantrips. They are:

Planar Gate to Dimension of Other Socks -- Little is known of this dimension. Access to it is one of the most ardently desired prizes for magical researchers, and while gates to this dimension have, on a few occasions, opened spontaneously, little was learned except for the absolute requirement for the traveler to this dimension to shield his nose from the vile odor of a universe filled with moldy, unwashed Other Socks, stiff with perspiration and toe-jam.

Planar Gate to Dimension of Wire Hangers -- little is known of this dimension. It must be extremely unpleasant judging from the quantity of wire hangers which flee to our dimension from it.

Cantrips

Ancient Chinese Secret -- The veil of mystery which cloaks this cantrip of legendary, godlike power from modern research has only parted enough to reveal to magical historians the single magical word, "Kal-Gon", which adorns the official secret name of this most mysterious of magical orders. What does it mean?

Banish Other Sock -- Note: There are two sorts of socks, the Self Sock, and the Other Sock. The difference is a mysterious one, but real nonetheless. The Self Sock, A.K.A. Sock, is native to our universe, and the Other Sock native to an Other universe. This cantrip known as Banish Other Sock sends Other Socks back to the dimension from which they came. It is believed that an awesome magical fumble in the misty depths of ancient prehistory caused this mighty Curse to be cast permanently upon our entire universe. Luckily, the spell has decayed enough so that it does not always take effect immediately when one obtains an Other Sock. Still, the inevitable nature of this Great Curse is beyond doubt.

Banish Wire Hanger -- This cantrip sends wire hangers back to the dimension from which they came.

Bleach -- This cantrip covers laundry with a mild (not really) alkaline solution which leaves it looking really white and clean, no matter what color it started out. Any unfortunate person wearing the laundry when the spell takes effect will be similarly affected, with hair, skin, and teeth turned as white as the pillsbury (tm) dough boy (tm), and eyes and mucous membranes irritated to pink tenderness by the bleach, to the tune of 1d6 noxious chemical (acid) damage.

Dry Clean -- This cantrip presses fine clothes and steams them with a noxious chemical. Any schnook so unfortunate as to be wearing the laundry when this happens takes 2d6 damage from being stamped flat by an industrial strength mousetrap and save vs. poison or take an additional 3d6 damage from the poisonous, noxious chemicals.

Hang Dry -- This cantrip snaps clothes dry and hangs them on a steel core wire, securing them with hat pins and five pound alligator clips. Any unfortunate so unlucky as to be wearing the affected laundry takes 2d6 from strangulation on the wire and 1d6 from being clamped and pinned.

Launder -- This cantrip soaps, soaks, scrubs and spins clothes. Anyone so unfortunate as to be wearing the affected laundry takes 1d6 damage from abrasion and irritating detergents and is dizzy and nauseated for 20 - constitution rounds.

Press and Fold -- This cantrip presses and folds all clothing in the area of effect. Any poor, unlucky slob caught within the targeted laundry takes 4d6 damage from being smashed flat, scorched, and folded.

Remove Tough Stain (A.K.A. Shout it Out!) -- This cantrip drenches laundry in detergent, scrubbing it with brushes and lava soap, then covers with another layer of detergent and sprays it with a high pressure stream of ice-cold water. Any unfortunate caught in the laundry will take 2d6 damage from the irritating detergent and frigid ice-water, will be left soaking wet, and make a Constitution check - 4 or catch the grippe.

Sort by Color -- This cantrip gathers laundry and sorts it into piles, one pile for light clothes, one pile for brightly colored clothes, and one pile for dark clothes. Anybody so unfortunate as to be wearing the laundry at the time will be stripped and placed in the appropriate color pile (colors if embarrassed, because he would be red).

Sort Socks -- This cantrip piles socks into two piles, one for Socks, and one for Other Socks. In our universe, cursed by the vile curse of Other Sock Banishment, the pile of Other Socks has a 75% chance of being banished en masse. Any unfortunate caught wearing socks in the area of effect will be stripped of one sock and left with another one. There is a 50% chance that the Other Sock will be stripped from his feet and a 50% chance that it is the sock that remains upon him. If anyone should be so unlucky as to be wearing his Other Sock when it is banished as a result of this spell, he will be sent to the Dimension of Other Socks, there to die a most horrible death by asphyxiation and/or poisoning (save vs poison, if you fail you die, if you save you fall into a coma until rescued).

Starch -- This cantrip covers laundry with a noxious chemical solution, and pounds it with 16 ton weights, leaving it flat and stiff as a steel plate. Any unlucky stiff so misfortune as to be wearing the laundry will take 4d6 damage from being crushed by large, heavy objects, and will be left unable to move because of joint-lock and overall stiffness.

Summon Other Sock -- This cantrip summons the matching Other Sock to a Sock from the dimension in which Other Socks reside. Anyone currently wearing the summoned Other Sock will also be summoned as a side effect of this powerful ritual.

Summon Wire Hanger -- This cantrip summons a wire hanger from the terrible dimension in which they dwell. A backfire with this spell, similar to the Great Curse of Banishment of the Other Sock, is believed to be the second Great Curse of our universe.

Take Out the Laundry -- Upon completion of this short ritual several skinny demonic figures materialize and stuff all the laundry in the area of effect into large canvas laundry bags. They then give the master one ticket per bag and require a payment of three "bucks" per bag (successful bargaining will bring this down to two and a half "bucks" per bag). Any poor slobs caught in the area of effect are stuffed into bags, one person per bag, taking 1d6 of pummeling damage, and must roll versus constitution or fall unconscious from the lack of air. They will wake up later in the local hospital unable to remember "wha'appen'?"

Tumble Dry -- This cantrip spins clothes while slapping them against large, flat stones and blasting them with air as hot as a steel furnace. Furs and other fine clothing will be ruined by this treatment, as will anyone still wearing the affected clothes, who takes 2d6 damage from the intense heat and large, flat stones.

Story Book Theater

I have a character who is an elven swanmay. Because she moves faster than the rest of the party when in swan form, she was the first to reach an evil cleric who was attempting to resurrect a dead dragon. He was painting holy symbols on the skull. Desperate to disrupt the casting as quickly as possible without getting too close, I told the GM that Sasha would fly over the skull and pee on it to ruin the paint (Gross, but it was the fastest thing I could think of and our GM doesn't allow debates).

--- Randi at I.U.

Cleanliness was a really big thing with one group I played in many years ago. This was just a minor quirk of that particular party until one gaming session when a thunderstorm started. Quickly thinking, we decided this was a great opportunity to clean up - we'd been out for several weeks and hadn't had a good bath for a while. So off went the duds (we were an all female group - actually all females playing too!) and we commenced cleaning. We took our time, so the GM rolled for a random encounter. Whoa! A half-dozen bore beetles! Boy were we trashed! We all survived, but we were certainly more careful and when and where we took our showers!

--- Vicki <Morgaine>

The only time I've ever come across a toilet in an adventure was in an Ogre chief's castle. It consisted of a wooden bench placed upon the edge of a deep pit, at the bottom of which was a green slime which absorbed the waste.

However, this was in reality a trap. The Chief had a trusted guard hidden in a secret closet opposite the seat. If anyone crossed the Chief then he would tell the guard. Then when that person next used the device the guard would pull a lever, the bench would hinge back and slam into the pit wall pitching the poor unfortunate victim 60 ft. down into the pit as fodder for the green slime.

If the victim managed to hang on to the bench somehow then the guard would venture out and clobber them until he fell. The Chief's shaman kept the slime at bay with the occasional fireball or two to keep it nice and small.

--- Steve, Darkheart

Special Thanks

Morgan Blackheart the Chaotic for his Breeches of the Wu Pi.

Gordon Burditt for his Parchment of Mail-order Catalog.

Joe Delisle for his items: Gel of Polishing, Pearly Whites, Jawbreaker. Also, the dentist spells in the spell section.

Sethan Dreagothe for his dentist modifiers.

Carlos Fernando for the section entitled "The Dentist & Teeth: Smile When You Say That?"

High Imperceptor Tyrus Hellbane for a small edition to the fictional story about waste disposal.

Loren Miller for the laundry section.

Elf Sternberg for his Elf's GameBook from which I took the idea of Scrubbing Bubbles and modified into my own 2nd edition monster.

Brian Palmer for his Toilet of the Gods.

This document has been edited for legibility purposes by OLIK / Ole A. Ringdal, olear@online.no / http://home.sol.no/olear / http://lstud.ii.uib.no/~s734